„30 years old and not married”, „OMG, she’s 30 and she’s not married. She doesn’t have kids, what is wrong with her?”. That’s how people from home would say about me. My family, my neighbors, acquaintances. I can feel their judging eyes every time I go out or I see them on the streets. But I don’t fucking care. I have one thing to tell them: fuck off! I mean, I have to understand them. That’s what romanian society teach us. Yes, it still does…Fuck, it’s like I’m sick and I will die tomorrow, like life at 30 is over. But like I said, I have to understand them. Anything that’s unusual, it’s bad for them. It doesn’t bother me or affect me, it’s just something I’ve noticed a lot in the last couple of years, especially these last couple of months.
Now, I have one question for them: why should I marry someone if that’s not my goal in life? At least not right now. I can’t say that won’t change tomorrow, or in a week, in a month, in a year. But right now it’s not.
Marriage is a piece of paper you sign or some vows you say in a church. Nothing else. Like a piece of paper would stop you from fighting all the time, sometimes even becoming violent. Or cheating on your girlfriend one month before your wedding, or divorcing because you only married for money. Yes, those are real life situations I’ve witnessed.
That’s wrong and bad. Not wanting to live your life, to have a career, to travel and meet extraordinary people, or wait until you meet the right person. Yes, the right person.
I believe in marriage that last a lifetime. That’s what I’m looking for. I don’t fall in love easily. You have to be pretty special. I’m also not perfect or special. God, I don’t even consider myself beautiful. But I’m also not like the rest of them. And I’m proud of that. I’m a tomboy, god dammit! I listen to hip-hop and prefer jeans and snickers, instead of girly dresses or heels. I’m very, VERY sarcastic. Come on, I’m a 48 kg skinny girl, sarcasm is my only defense (like Chandler would say 😀 ) And that’s what people don’t understand. They don’t understand that you can be happy even if you’re single. And that is ok to wait a little longer than marry the wrong person.
I’m sorry but I rather be single than be with someone just because that’s how it should be, according to some people. I hate monotony, to do the exact same thing all day. To go to the mall once a week and that’s it. That’s the only fun I can have. Hell no!!! I want midnight adventures, spontaneity, craziness.
I like to say I’m 30 going on 18, because that’s how I feel. I’m not the type of girl who would give up on her dreams to be with a guy. Maybe just if that guy is someone who I trust won’t hurt or disappoint me. I’m unpredictable, I always speak my mind even if it bothers you, always tell you in your face what I think and always, but always, do what I think it’s best for me. I’m not letting others to dictate me what to do. Not anymore…
So yeah, fuck off! I’m 30 and I’m not married with kids. I’m 30 and act like 18. I’m 30 and I still take risks. I’m 30 and I’m still dreaming like a teenage girl. That’s me baby, and not gonna change. 😉
Fuck your bad vibes, bro!